The Hidden Price of Sugar: A Sugar Baby Desires True Intimacy from Sugar Daddy

Frankie Beach posted the piece "The Hidden Price Of Sugaring: Does being a sugar baby bolster capitalism?" on Killer and a Sweet Thang (NOVEMBER 13 2019). In the piece, 22-year-old Beach shared that she's a sugar baby, because she "needed money". [Emphasis added]

However, Beach was disturbed by the cold and transactional nature of sugaring. After an older sugar daddy informed Beach, "in a business-like manner", that he would pay her after they were "intimate", Beach was: "[...] lost for words, attempting to conceptualize an intimacy that exists isolated from a relationship: an intimacy that is performed." She wrote: "If intimacy is a service provided, is it intimacy at all?"

Despite their non-verbal debate over semantics, Beach and her sugar daddy met at a hotel room where for an hour, she gave him her young mind and younger body, and he gave her $500. 

At a hotel room, close to work, we met for an hour. I gave him my mind and my body and he gave me five hundred dollars in cash; to him it was a traditional relationship stripped to its bare bones, without any superfluous time spent or energy expended. Only the minimal requirements, an experience that offered a cathartic mental and physical release, then abruptly ended.

Interestingly, Beach wrote that most sugar babies don't consider sugaring to be sex work! Why? Because sugar daddies don't only pay for sex. In addition, they pay for "the illusion of intimacy". In other words, a sugar daddy pays for how much time he spends with his sugar baby, when and where they're intimate, and the nature of their intimacy.

By most who engage in it, it is not considered sex work. I don’t know if it is or not, and I don’t think it makes a difference either way. There’s nothing wrong with sex work for people who are fulfilled by doing it. But the fact remains that he was not only paying for sex, because he could do that a lot more cheaply and easily. What he paid me for is the creation and maintenance of a specific illusion, namely, the illusion of intimacy. He pays to be able to control how much time we spend together, when and where we spend our time, and the nature of the time spent. He pays to curate the experience of intimacy he wants.  

Despite, Beach's claims, there still appears to be very little difference between a john and a sugar daddy and a sugar baby and prostitute. #semantics For example, subsequently, Beach wrote: 

"[...] I was selling my body for sex." 

"And After he pressed the cash into my hand at the hotel room, I felt a rush. I felt a rush because having money made me feel powerful."

Unfortunately, Beach is convinced that her "personal value" is determined by how much money she makes, "[...] because money is the dominant societal indicator of value." And unfortunately, Beach has an inferiority complex and feels "worth less as a person", because she makes less money than most of her friends and family. 

We grow up convinced that our personal value is determined by how much money we make, because money is the dominant societal indicator of value. I know this is true because of the inferiority I feel at making less money than most of my friends and family, like I am somehow worth less as a person. 

Without fail, every piece of age-gap non-fiction we've recapped is littered with contradictions. For example, Beach shared that she's "in a place of privilege" and that her sugaring is simply done to make her life "a lot more comfortable". And she confessed: "I am not in a desperate situation." But then Beach blamed sugar daddies for the woes of sugaring. She wrote that she "cannot ethically support" sugaring, because it: "[...] encourages a practice of “intimacy” that ultimately benefits men."

I acknowledge that I am in a place of privilege. Although sleeping with men for money would make my life a lot more comfortable at this point in my life, I am not in a desperate situation. Not yet, at least. But sugaring is not empowering for me anymore because it requires me to avoid the truth that I am engaging in a system I cannot ethically support. Sugaring, in encouraging the creation of transactional relationships, also encourages a practice of “intimacy” that ultimately benefits men. Other forms of sex work don’t necessarily aim to construct such a controlled illusion of intimacy; they are straightforward about the service and the reward. 

In the end, it appears that Bleach would rather be a traditional prostitute, because she "cannot ethically support" "the illusion of intimacy" that comes with sugaring - despite the additional comforts that comes with the extra money.

Gen Z Influencer: Escorting Old Men on (Paid) Dates

Casey Lewis’ Substack, After School, consists of: “Daily links 'n things about youth culture and Gen Z consumer trends.” In the DIGITAL CULTURE section of the “Frontal Lobes and Virtual Wives” weekend edition (Jan 14, 2023), Lewis wrote about the latest #grwm (i.e., get ready with me ) TikToks, which are “get ready with me to go on paid dates”. 

The latest in #grwm, the popular TikTok category in which creators share their beauty routines. If you were into the “get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend” TikToks, wait until you see the “get ready with me to go on paid dates” TikToks. 

The most interesting thing about GRWMs, imo, is that while they’re doing their makeup, they’re not actually talking about their beauty routines — the creators are divulging personal anecdotes, giving the viewer a sense that they’re confiding in a friend — the friend being you, the viewer. Master storytellers, these girls!

To give her subscribers an example of a master storyteller, Lewis embedded a Jan 13, 2023 Tweet by noisé (@proetrie) whom shared a “get ready with me to go on paid date” TikTok by aubrey.kidd2 and tweeted that, although he condones escorting, he was shocked by how easy it has become. And he noted that the TikTok’s comments section was riddled with young women asking for the link to where they could also sign up to be paid to go on dates - with much older men. However, noisé noted that most men may start with a paid date, but only with the hope of advancing to paid sex - with their much younger escorts.)

noisé: likely the last tiktok (truly toxic app i’m addicted to) i will be posting but holy shit i’m shocked how easy this all has become—no judgment, good for her but the the comment section was other girls asking for the site.

why do women not realize why these dudes are doing this?!

In the TikTok, Aubrey opened with, “I’m going on a paid date. It’s literally how I pay my rent.” 

A co-worker told Aubrey about the website Whatsyourprice.com where it advertises “WhatsYourPrice® for the DATE of a Lifetime”

Aubrey: “She was like, ‘You can go on dates and get paid for it.’ I was like, ‘Oh my God. That sounds so cool. I wanna get paid to go on dates. Like, are you kidding me?” 

Aubrey got the first (paid) date jitters and “bailed out” on her initial offer of $200. However, like the Roman teen prostitutes, materialism (e.g., a desire for “a festival ticket or, like, new clothes for something”) was the impetus that she needed to accept the second offer of $200. 

Aubrey met her date for lunch at a Sushi restaurant in Pacific Beach.  How was the sushi - you may ask? Aubrey: “The fucking best sushi ever.” 

Due to the waitresses and staff looking suspiciously at Aubrey, she assumed that they assumed, “Oh my god, this girl’s an escort.”

Aubrey, who appears to be in her very early 20s described her date as a “crusty, dusty, ugly old man”, but she went on to share that the age-gap date had a “vibe”. And that she and her much older “cool” date had a good conversation.  

Aubrey: “But it was a vibe. We had a good conversation. He was a cool guy.”

After Aubrey’s old man gave her $200 under the table, Aubrey (strategically) informed him that she was going shopping at Urban Outfitters, which was (conveniently) next to the sushi restaurant. Consequently, Aubrey’s date took her to Urban Outfitters for a $500 shopping spree! 

Ergo, like NYC based influencer Talia Lichstein, Aubrey’s inner teleiophile came out, and she exclaimed:

“After that I was like, ‘You know what? Age is just a number.’ I don’t give a fuck if I get weird looks. This is great. I wanna keep doing this!”

Lastly, let's take a look at the comments section that noisé alluded to where, unsurprisingly, like Julia Fox, a number of young women condoned getting paid by (much) older men. 

gracyn meredith: Ma’am I have never signed up so quickly

Sydney B.: once you get past the first date i swear it’s so easy after that to continue doing it!!!!!

KayWithThaBeam: What’s the app or website???

And of course, very young women taking advantage of paid dates (i.e., escorting) isn't new. For example, we we recapped New York magazine's The Cut Sex Diaries feature, "The College Student Starting to Fall for Her Sugar Daddy" (OCT. 3, 2021), which is about a 21-year-old college student slash sugar baby slash part-time prostitute. But what is novel, is that Gen Zers and Millennials appear to be more open about their exploits. 

Liara Roux's WHORE OF NEW YORK: (Pre) Teen Outdoor Lesbian Sex & Teen Escorts

Just like Vanessa Springora's Consent: A Memoir, Traci Lords' Underneath It All, and Kate Elizabeth Russell's My Dark Vanessa, Liara Roux's memoir, Whore of New York: A Confession, is peppered with (pre) teen sex and contradictions. 

The first contradiction is that, despite the book's title, Roux, who grew up on the UES of Manhattan, did most of her escorting slash prostituting, that commenced when she was a teen, in California, but the Whore of San Francisco doesn't sound as alluring. 

Catskills in Upstate NY

As for Roux's pre-teen sex scene, she shared that in fifth grade (≈ 10-years-old), she had (lipstick) lesbian sex with the "very beautiful" Melissa. Outdoors. In the woods. During a youth retreat in the Catskills. The nubile nymphets met by the bonfire before Melissa looked into Roux's and licked her fingers:

[...] Melissa. I would sometimes stare at her without realizing, thinking she would never notice.

One day, late at night, when the youth pastors had built a huge bonfire [...] I let her pull the marshmallow off the stick and watch her eat it. Bits of gooey marshmallow still clung to her fingers, and she looked me in the eyes as she licked them. “So good.”

[...] all I could pay attention to was how close her leg was to mine, how she touched my arm when she laughed, how she rested her head on my shoulder as the fire started dying down, her hand on my thigh in the darkness.

Subsequently, Melissa led Roux into the woods where they kissed, Melissa put Roux's young fountain into her bouche, and her hand upon Roux's mound.

One day, when we were walking to whatever activity was next, she asked me if I wanted to skip it [...]  As we got further away from the camp, she stepped off the trail. I followed her. We wandered through the trees, and I tripped over a rock hidden under the snow.

We got to a clearing and she plopped on the ground, then started making a snow angel. “What about your pants?” I asked. “Won’t they get wet?” [...] “They already are.” I blushed at the implication. Seeing my flushed face, she stood up, walked to me, and kissed me [...] I couldn’t hold myself back. I kissed her, putting my hands around her neck, pulling her in.

[...] I pressed myself against her and we fell in the snow [...] I rolled on top of her, kissed her again [...] She wiggled, unzipping her coat, unzipping mine, and our hands were on each other’s chests, grasping at softness. I kissed her neck; she moaned and put my breast in her mouth [...] After much maneuvering, she pulled off her glove and stuck her hand down my pants. The chill of her fingertips pressing into me.

“We walked back to camp, our faces flushed.”

And like Springora, Lords and Russell, Roux contradicts her stance on age-gap relationships. Roux appears to condemn heteroesexual age-gap romantic relationships, but she condones heteroesexual age-gap relationships between (married) johns and escorts\prostitutes. And she condones lesbian age-gap romantic relationships. #perplexed

As for heteroesexual age-gap romantic relationships, Jeremy Lin, an older writer, gave 16-year-old Roux a "thrill" due to his "sexual attention". And Roux entrapped* older literary men on Facebook with the promise of teen sex. 

As with most writing circles, there were certainly older men who loved the idea of access to all these young and eager teenage girls. Most of them were obviously awful, like Jeremy Lin, who wrote an entire novel based [Richard Yates (review forthcoming)] on an abusive relationship he had with a sixteen-year-old. I enjoyed the thrill of hanging out with him and his sexual attention, so I made a grotesque game of it: I would find an older literary man online, add him on Facebook, lead them on, let them think that I would fuck them, then disappoint them.

*I wrote entrapped, because if those writers had been exposed, they would have been accused of grooming poor Roux before probable jail time. Interestingly, on a related note, Roux noted: 

"No one I knew who started [escorting] while underage was honest with their clients about it. They always said they were eighteen or nineteen, if not twenty-one. They had fake IDs and everything else."

As for heteroesexual age-gap relationships between (married) johns and escorts\prostitutes, Roux, who started "devouring" information about sex workers - in high school, wrote that her favorite aspect of being a whore is giving (older) [married] clients pleasure:

That’s my favorite part of my work as well — making my clients feel pleasure.

Only last week I was sprawled on the bed of a luxury hotel in silk pajamas, eating berries while an older married man sucked my toes [...] He gave me a massage and admired my body. I came while watching him jerk off into a champagne glass [...]

Is it wrong that I feel comfortable fucking an older man who's paying me? 

Yet Roux admits that when she was underage (16), she was groomed by Anna, a 25-year-old lesbian, whom Roux latter "married":

The way my future wife, Anna, groomed me was more insidious. We became Facebook friends when she was in her late twenties and I was underage. She was lightly flirtatious, but nothing over the top. She acted kind and nurturing, helping me out with an art project I was working on for high school. I began writing for her art blog and she said she would mentor me. I totally had a crush.”

“One day she commented on one of my photos, “You look so young.” It made me feel nauseous, uncomfortable, for a reason I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I didn’t want her to see me as young.”

Lastly, Molly Young opined in her New York Times review of Whore of New York that the childhood section was the least interesting part of the book:

As with most memoirs, the “childhood” section of the book is the least interesting. Things get cooking when Roux finds her calling [as a Whore of San Francisco].

PLEASURE (2021): L.A. Teen Porn Star Rises

In Pleasure (2021), Bella Cherry, a 19-year-old Swede, comes to L.A. to become a teen porn star. Initially, she doesn't condone the rough nature of porn, but Cherry comes to embrace the industry. 

And that about sums it up. Essentially, the movie is about Cherry's path to becoming a teen porn star; however, we would like to elaborate on the film's nympholepsy motif. For example, before Cherry's first scene, the director informs her that she's playing the role of an 18-year-old virgin who will be having sex with Brian - a middle-age man:

"So, Brian over here, this semi-creepy middle-aged man is gonna be fucking your sweet [...] 18-year-old brand new vigina."

However, Cherry forgets that she's playing an 18-year-old, and shares with the camera that she's 19, which is still "cool" to her middle-aged co-star:

"So what are you gonna do today?"

"I'm gonna do my first porn."

"First one huh? How old are your Bella Cherry?"

"I'm 19."

"19! Cool. Let's see the rest of you."

The fact that Cherry is shooting a scene with a middle-age man raises an interesting point. 

For instance, it's (ironically) common for members Gen Z and millennials to (openly) condone sex workers (i.e., teen porn stars, teen OnlyFans content creators, teen escorts, etc); however, members of Gen Z and millennials are typically and openly anti-age-gap relationships. 

Thus, like Cherry, teen porn stars can confortably film sex scenes multiple middle-aged men. (Note: The average heterosexual male porn star is in his mid-thirties with Manuel Jeannin, arguably the #1 heterosexual male porn star, sitting at a whopping 45-years-old.)

It's commonly (openly) acceptable for 18-year-old teens to provide explicit OnlyFans content for middle-age men. 

And one is commonly considered to be "pro sex worker" if she supports a teen whom has sex for money with middle-age men (i.e., escort). 

But it's commonly unacceptable to Gen Z, millennials, Gen X, and boomers for an 18-year-old to be in a romantic relationship with a middle-aged man. And, to the dismay of orthodox Muslims and (ultra) orthodox Jews, don't even think about condoning an age-gap marriage!

Back to Pleasure where in a subsequent scene, as Cherry is filmed with an iPhone while practicing fellatio on a banana, she's encouraged: "Maybe some old man will really like this." Maybe. 

Lastly and unsurprisingly, Pleasure was selected for the 2020 Cannes Film Festival, the 2021 Sundance Film Festival, and the film was nominated at the 2021 British Independent Film Awards.