Big Boobs Jenny and Fun Slut Vanessa | GOSSIP GIRL [Book 2] Recap (Part 2)

Gossip Girl: You Know You Love Me (Book 2): Jenny, Vanessa and Chuck

[The original CW Gossip Girl series was called “Mind-blowingly inappropriate.” by the Parents Television Council, “Very bad for you." by the San Diego Union-Tribune, and “A nasty piece of work.” by the New York Post. However, I would argue that the young adult novel series is inarguably more salacious. I plan to recap books 1-8, 13, and 14, which were written by Cecily von Ziegesar and are based on Ziegesar's experiences at The Nightingale-Bamford School, an Upper East Side all-girls prep school.]

Jenny

As you may recall from book 2 part 1, Jenny is a 14-year-old “lowly ninth-grader” at Constance Billard School for Girls, which is a “small, elite, all-girls school on East Ninety-third Street”, where uniforms are required. And you may recall that Ziegesar wrote that during foreplay with Blair, Nate’s erection “stuck out, tentlike” in his “red-and-white checked boxers”. Interestingly, likewise, Ziegesar wrote that Jenny’s “enormous” “boobs” caused her “pink nightgown” to form a “tentlike triangle”. In terms of Jenny, Ziegesar penned: 

She stood in front of the mirror holding her breath and pushing her stomach out as far as it would go. It still didn’t stick out as far as her boobs, which were enormous for a ninth-grader. Her pink nightgown fell in a tentlike triangle from her breasts to her knees [...] 

“Freak,” Jenny Humphrey whispered to her reflection.

(Note: Recall that in book 1, Ziegesar referred to Jenny’s “boobs” at least nine times. For instance, in book 1, Ziegesar wrote that Jenny’s “boobs” were: “[...] incredibly huge. At fourteen, she was a 34D.")

Consequently, when Jenny met Nate at “the edge of Sheep Meadow”, Nate, “tanned” with “dark honey-gold” hair, immediately noticed Jenny’s “huge” chest. Ziegesar wrote:

She reached the edge of Sheep Meadow and stepped onto the grass.

Jenny looked up. [Nate] […] the golden boy, standing only thirty feet away, hands on his hips, his green eyes sparkling. His cheeks were flushed pink and his forehead was beaded with sweat. Jenny wanted to taste it.

 

Nate noticed Jenny’s chest. Man, was it ever huge. He couldn’t let her get away, not without Jeremy and the other guys getting a chance to check her out.

That’s correct. Per Ziegesar, Jenny wanted to taste Nate’s sweat. (LOL) And Nate wanted the other seniors to check out Jenny’s huge chest. 

After mingling in Central Park, Nate took Jenny to his bedroom in his Upper East Side (triplex) townhouse, which had red marble floors and famous artists like Renoir, Sargent, and Picasso “on every wall”. 

After Nate said, “Let’s go upstairs,” Jenny followed Nate to his bedroom, which had an “antique sleigh bed” and an “ultramodern, ultracool desk with a wafer-thin laptop sitting on it”. Without being asked, Jenny sat “nervously on the edge of the bed”, where she searched Nate’s “emerald green” eyes and shared,  “I’m only fourteen”. What was 17-year-old Nate’s response? Ziegesar wrote:

Nate reached up and touched her curly brown hair, combing it ever so gently with his fingers. Then he put his hand down again. “I know,” he said. “It’s okay.”

Although, Ziegesar left it flirtatiously ambiguous, based on forthcoming chapters, readers can safely infer that Nate did not have sex Jenny the first time she sat on his antique bed. 

In the Gossip Girl post “EVERYBODY’S DOING IT”, Gossip Girl was asked about her thoughts on “older boys dating young girls”. Gossip Girl opined that “a college senior dating a high school sophomore” is a bit of a problem, that “a high school senior dating a college freshman” is “okay”, but a 12th grader dating a 9th grader is “pushing it”; however, in what most people, I would imagine, would consider to be a counterintuitive and controversial stance, Gossip Girl opined that age-gap affairs “work better” when the “the girl is the younger one”. Ziegesar wrote:

Dear GG,

What do you think about older boys dating younger girls?

—Sneaky

      

Dear Sneaky,

It definitely depends on the age difference and the circumstances. For instance, if you were a college senior dating a high school sophomore I would say you had a bit of a Woody Allen-Soon Yi Previn problem. If you were a high school senior dating a college freshman, that would be okay. A high school senior dating a high school freshman is pushing it. It seems to work better when the girl is the younger one, mainly because we mature much faster—in all ways.

—GG

Notes: 

1. Ziegesar’s Woody Allen-Soon Yi Previn reference is about Woody Allen’s affair with Soon Yi Previn, which began when Soon Yi was Woody’s teen stepdaughter. For further information about Woody and Soon Yi’s affair and eventual age-gap marriage, reference the Substack piece “The Same Thing Only Different: Nympholepsy in Woody Allen’s Art and Affairs”

2. In a (somewhat) related note, in the FAMILY MATTERS post, Gossip Girl encouraged what she called “innocent flirting with your stepbrother-to-be”, because it “isn’t sick or illegal”. And she described what some would refer to as incest as “pretty fun and pretty damned convenient”; especially “if you live in the same house!” 

Woody Allen and Soon Yi Previn

One reason that readers may infer that Nate and Jenny did not have sex (yet) is that after Jenny met Nate on the steps of The Met, she thought: “Oh my God, [...] He’s about to kiss me.” He didn’t. The arrival of Nate’s friends (temporarily) prevented Jenny from getting what she so desperately desired.  

By this point in book 2, readers are up to about ten references to Jenny’s boobs. [I lost count.] Unsurprisingly, the count continues to rise up until the end of book 2. For example, after Jenny joined Nate and his friends on The Great Lawn, her “big boobs’ were spotted by none other than Dan, Jenny’s brother. Of Dan, Ziegesar wrote:

Puffing away, he stared across the grass. A short girl with big boobs and curly brown hair was playing soccer with four boys he recognized only vaguely. It was his sister, Jenny. Since when did she hang out in the park with those boring, preppy, Upper East Side assholes?

Recall from book 1 that Vanessa, another Constance schoolgirl, was in an age-gap relationship with a Brooklyn bartender. Does that make it less surprising that, over hummus and hot chocolate, Vanessa encouragingly referenced Jenny’s “rack”? Ziegesar wrote:

They walked to a café that specialized in Middle Eastern food and ordered hummus and hot chocolate.

“So, Jennifer. With a rack like that, how come you don’t have like, seven boyfriends?” Vanessa said, pointing directly at Jenny’s chest. 

Hummus and hot chocolate?! Seven boyfriends?! 

Recollect that Dan referenced his sister’s boobs in book 1. For example, Ziegesar wrote in book 1 that even Dan “could not deny” that his sister’s “boobs were really huge.” However, it turns out that Dan referenced his sister’s boobs in book 2 two times! The second time happened at the St. Claire Hotel during Eleanor and Cyrus’ wedding reception, where Ziegesar wrote that Dan recognized his sister’s “enormous cleavage”. Ziegesar wrote:

Dan slipped into a seat at the end of the St. Claire Hotel bar and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. With trembling hands he pulled a Camel out of his coat pocket and lit it.

Dan’s chest convulsed in a sob and he slumped forward, resting his forehead against the edge of his glass. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar shock of curly brown hair, the enormous cleavage, the tiny figure.

His sister.

And next to her, with his hands all over her enormous cleavage and tiny figure was that rich bastard, Nate.

Once again, Ziegesar left it flirtatiously ambiguous about what happened between Jenny and Nate in Nate’s bedroom; however, readers learned later that they did not kiss on that occasion, because Ziegesar wrote that the first time Jenny and Nate kissed was while they: “were sitting beside the boat pond in Central Park,” where “Nate pulled her toward him. They both kept their eyes open, smiling as they kissed.” (Note: “Jenny had [previously only] kissed two boys during a kissing game at a party once [...]”) 

However, later in book 2, Gossip Girl gossiped on the NOBODY DOES IT BETTER post that: “Word has it N and J have been hooking up after school every day. Poor B[lair].” Interestingly, in book 1, Ziegesar wrote that Blair and Nate “had done everything but” have actual sex. Is that what Ziegesar is implying Nate and Jenny did every day after school?

Vanessa

In book 2, readers learned more about Clark, Vanessa’s 22-year-old boyfriend. (Recall that Gossip Girl posted that “a high school senior dating a college freshman” is “okay”. But at 22, Clark would be more like a college senior.) Ziegesar penned that Clark, a bartender at The Five and Dime, a “dimly lit” bar in Williamsburg, had “red sideburns and beautiful gray eyes”. (Note: Per Google, someone with red hair and grey eyes is extremely rare and appears in less than 1% of the entire human population.)

Despite the fact that Vanessa, who dreamed of being a film major at  NYU, was still a (prep) schoolgirl who was sitting in a bar, Clark wasn’t shy about openly expressing his age-gap desires. For example, Clark “ran his fingers through Vanessa’s short-cropped black hair” and “blew her a kiss”. Likewise, Vanessa wasn’t shy about openly expressing her desire for an older boyfriend. Ziegesar wrote:

Clark came over and ran his fingers through Vanessa’s short-cropped black hair.

Clark was the bartender at The Five and Dime [...] Clark was twenty-two. He had red sideburns and beautiful gray eyes

[Vanessa] watched Clark’s butt as he bent over to stock the bar fridge with more bottled beer.

“Hey boyfriend,” she yelled at him. “I’m lonely.”

Clark looked over his shoulder and blew her a kiss.

Thank God for Clark, Vanessa thought.

However, because it was “kind of fun to be such a slut”, Vanessa’s age-gap affair with Clark didn’t stop her from flirting with Dan. For example, during the wedding reception at the St. Claire Hotel bar, Vanessa kissed Dan on his “quivering lips”. Ziegesar wrote:

Vanessa picked a ball of lint off her fishnets and flicked it onto the bar floor. She couldn’t believe she was actually flirting with Dan. She hadn’t even broken up with Clark yet! But it was kind of fun to be such a slut.

She leaned forward and kissed Dan on his quivering lips. “Right,” she said, her mouth still full of nuts.

Gossip Girl

Interestingly, in the Vanity Fair piece “‘Gossip Girl Was Me’: Cecily von Ziegesar Talks Manhattan vs. Cobble Hill” (2020), Ziegesar related that she was, in fact, Gossip Girl. Ziegesar said, “Gossip Girl wasn’t Dan in the books. She was the omniscient narrator. Gossip Girl was me,” which (some) feminists [parents] may find interesting when one considers that Ziegesar slash Gossip Girl encouraged schoolgirls to “break out those credit cards and hit Bendel’s and Barneys for some [...] sexy fishnet tights, [and] little wool skirts”. Not only did Ziegesar write that bulimic Blair vomited her quenelle, but Gossip Girl encouraged: “The way to any girl’s heart is to tell her she looks tiny. Girls kill to be tiny.” And what was Ziegesar slash Gossip Girl’s advice on how to handle “senior stress management”? Materialism, alcoholism, and (teen) sex. Ziegesar/Gossip Girl posted: 

It’s time to break out those credit cards and hit Bendel’s and Barneys for some cool new boots, sexy fishnet tights, little wool skirts [...] 

Here’s my recipe for senior stress management: Mix one gorgeous boy with a nice new pair of leather boots, a new cashmere sweater, a long night out, and several drinks. Stir in a very late morning and hot chocolate in bed.

Chuck Bass

Lastly, recall that in book 1, Ziegesar wrote that, due to her alluring looks, Serena was “a full-on groper magnet”; thus, after Cyrus kissed Serena on both cheeks, hugged her a little too tightly, and patted Serena on the hip, Ziegesar penned that Serena didn’t flinch, because she was used to “horny European gropers”. And you may recall from book 1 that after Chuck asked Jenny to introduce him to her breasts, he gyrated his crotch against her ass on the dance floor at The Met, and then Chuck took 14-year-old Jenny into the ladies' room, where he “pulled her dress down so he could get at those massive jugs”. Well, Chuck isn’t mentioned much in book 2, but, unsurprisingly, YA readers learned that he’s up to his old ways. For example, on the dance floor at the wedding reception at the St. Clairel, Chuck promptly groped two Constance schoolgirls: Kati Farkas and Isabel Coates. Ziegesar wrote:

Chuck grabbed both Kati and Isabel’s hands and twirled them away, his hands sliding down their backs to their butts within seconds.

Braless Serena and Sex Machine Blair | GOSSIP GIRL [Book 2] Recap (Part 1)

Gossip Girl: You Know You Love Me (Book 2): Serena and Blair

The original CW Gossip Girl series was called “Mind-blowingly inappropriate.” by the Parents Television Council, “Very bad for you." by the San Diego Union-Tribune, and “A nasty piece of work.” by the New York Post. However, I would argue that the young adult novel series is inarguably more salacious. 

I plan to recap books 1-8, 13, and 14, which were written by Cecily von Ziegesar and are based on Ziegesar's experiences at The Nightingale-Bamford School, an Upper East Side all-girls prep school. 

Serena van der Woodsen

If you’re a fan of the television series, you may be surprised to learn that Serena, a senior at Constance Billard School for Girls, had a small role in Gossip Girl: You Know You Love Me (Book 2). For example, in book 2, Ziegesar further described Serena as having “dark blue eyes”, that Serena’s “pale [“shimmering”] blond hair” had a “golden brilliance”, that Serena’s “pale skin had a pearly sheen from years of using La Mer skin cream”, that Serena “smelled like Chanel No. 5,” and that Serena was prone to wear a “sweater with nothing underneath it.” Consequently, “Serena was like, the coolest senior in New York”.

In addition, readers were reminded about Serena’s wealth and privilege. Ziegesar wrote:

Serena lived with her well-heeled parents […] with a view of the Metropolitan Museum of Art and Central Park. She had a maid and a cook who she could ask to bake her a cake or make her a cappuccino any time she wanted.

Lastly, as for book 2 and Serena, readers were reminded that Serena and Blair’s friendship turned “sour” after Blair learned that Nate, Blair’s boyfriend, had sex, twice in one night, with Serena “nearly two years ago”, which was when Nate and Serena were 16. 

Blair Cornelia Waldorf 

Book 2 began with 16-year-old Blair’s continued quest to lose her virginity to Nate; however, Nate’s goal was to take the virginity of 14-year-old “Jenny, who was in ninth grade at Constance Billard”. Furthermore, as we know, Nate already had sex with Serena, but now, to Blair’s dismay, Nate desired “Jenny [who] was a lowly ninth-grader”. 

Gossip Girl posted that, in preparation for the loss of her virginity, Blair got “a Brazilian wax at the J. Sisters Salon,” because, per Gossip Girl: “After all, no one really wants to go to college a virgin.” 

At Blair’s 17th birthday dinner at Le Giraffe, which was held a whopping three weeks before her actual birthday, 16-year-old “horny” Blair reached under the tablecloth to touch Nate before gulping champagne. Ziegesar wrote:

Blair Waldorf reached under the tablecloth and squeezed Nate’s knee. The candlelight was making her horny. If only Daddy knew what we’re planning to do after this, she thought giddily. She clinked glasses with her father and took a giant gulp of champagne.

Before Nate met Jenny, he was aroused by the idea of seizing Blair’s virginity. Nate observed that Blair looked so hot that she appeared to have already had sex “many times”! Ziegesar wrote:

Nate watched her go. She looked hot in her new black silk halter top, with her straight, dark brown hair hanging between her bare shoulder blades, and her skintight leather pants hugging her hips. She looked like she had already done it, many times. 

Consequently: “Nate was anxious to get back to Blair’s house.” And as for Blair, after some birthday dinner steak and champagne: “She couldn’t wait to get out of there. She couldn’t wait to finally do it [...] Blair seemed impatient, hungrier.”

During the dinner, Blair's father gifted her a pair of MANOLO BLAHNIKs “a pair of beautifully crafted pewter leather mules with adorable little kitten heels,” which she planned to: “wear later that night when she and Nate had sex. Those and nothing else. Thanks, Daddy!”

After the birthday dinner, in her Upper East Side bedroom, Blair undressed in her bathroom, strapped on her “Manolos and spritzed herself with perfume.” (Note: In book 1, before Blair planned to have sex with Nate, Ziegesar wrote that “bad girl” Blair spritzed “once between her legs”.). Blair looked at her reflection in her bathroom’s mirror. “She looked confident and ready.” However: “[...] her breasts [were] so small, but whatever.”

After Blair “pushed open the bathroom door”, Nate found “himself immediately turned on” by Blair's young nude body. Consequently: “The crotch of his red-and-white checked boxers stuck out, tentlike.” 

As for Blair, at the sight of Nate’s erection: “She sucked in her breath.” However, Blair's quest to lose her virginity was thwarted once again. That time by the arrival of her mother and Cyrus, her mother’s fiancé.  Ziegesar wrote: “So much for losing her virginity [...]”

(Note: That was the third time that Blair’s quest to lose her virginity was thwarted. Recall in book 1 that Serena, directly and indirectly, prevented Blair from fulfilling her desires.)

After quickly getting dressed and conversing with her mother and Cyrus, in a page straight out of Restless Virgins: Love, Sex, and Survival in Prep School and American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers, Blair asked, “Do you mind if Nate and I go back in my room and watch some TV?” Blair asked.

 

“Of course not. You go right ahead,” her mother said, smiling knowingly at Nate.

Cyrus winked at them. “Nighty-night, Blair,” he said. “Night, Nate.”

Clearly, Blair’s mother and Cyrus knew that Blair didn’t really want to “watch some TV”, and Blair and Nate didn’t disappoint, because as soon as the privileged teens got to Blair’s room, Nate slid his hands under Blair’s Yale sweatshirt: “hoping they’d get back to where they’d left off.” Despite her mother and Cyrus being in the next room, initially, Blair thought that she could “go ahead and have sex and millions of orgasms”; however, in the end, due to her mother’s nearby presence, Blair’s sex drive wilted. Ziegesar wrote:

He pulled her toward him and slid his hands beneath her sweatshirt, hoping they’d get back to where they’d left off. He kissed her neck.

[...] She could go ahead and have sex and millions of orgasms even though her mother and Cyrus were in the next room. She could.

Except she couldn’t. Blair wanted her first time to be perfect, and this was anything but. 

Eleanor, Blair’s mother, and Cyrus planned to have their wedding on the Saturday after Thanksgiving at the (fictional) St. Claire Hotel, which happened to be the same day as Blair’s birthday; thus, naturally, Blair planned to lose her virginity on her mother’s wedding day. Blair’s plan was initiated when she asked her mother, “Can you book a suite for me and my friends?” Ziegesar wrote:

Suddenly Blair had an idea. She and Nate could get a suite! What more perfect place and time to lose your virginity than in a suite at the St. Claire on your seventeenth birthday?

Blair put her fork down, dabbed gently at the corners of her mouth with her napkin, and smiled sweetly at her mother. “Can you book a suite for me and my friends?” she asked.

 

“Of course we can,” Eleanor said. “That’s a fine idea.”

Next, Blair informed Nate that she found the perfect time and place for them to “do it.” Ziegesar wrote:

“[...] my mom and Cyrus are getting suites at the St. Claire for their wedding. And seeing how it’s going to be my birthday and everything, I thought that maybe that would be the perfect time for us to … you know … do it.”

When Blair arrived at her penthouse on Seventy-second Street, “she dropped her backpack on the floor of the foyer. [And] [s]he was greeted by an enormous brown boxer, who trotted up and butted his head into her crotch,” which reminded me of the international bestseller My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies. 

Subsequently, “The door to her mother’s bedroom opened and Cyrus Rose came out, wearing his favorite red silk Versace bathrobe [...] He looked very relaxed. “Hello, Blair!” he shouted, shuffling up and wrapping his arms around her in a bear hug.” However, Blair: “[...] didn’t like standing so close to Cyrus when it was very possible he wasn’t wearing anything under his bathrobe.”

In book 2, Blair had three goals: “finish her senior year at Constance”,  “finally do it with Nate”, and “go to Yale”.

In terms of going to Yale, during the interview at the Ivy with Jason, who was described as “a tall, tanned man with gray hair at his temples and sparkling green eyes”, Blair observed Jason’s derriere, and she performed a kino, a pickup artist seduction technique, before she “earnestly” asked Jason for a promise. Ziegesar wrote:

The interviewer, a tall, tanned man with gray hair at his temples and sparkling green eyes, took her hand and shook it. “So glad to meet you. I’m Jason.” He turned and led Blair into his office. His pants were a little tight in the ass, Blair noticed.

Jason put the cap on his pen and tucked it into his shirt pocket. “Er … do you have any questions for me?”

Blair stopped rubbing her toes and put her foot back on the floor. She scooted her chair forward and reached out to touch Jason’s knee. “If you can promise me to let me in early, I promise to be the best student Yale University has ever had,” she said earnestly. “Can you promise me that, Jason?”

And to cap off the interview, Blair earnestly kissed Jason. Ziegesar wrote:

“I’ll see what I can do,” Jason said. He stood up and held out his hand once more. “Thanks so much for coming in.” He shook Blair’s hand. “Good luck.”

Blair wriggled her feet back into her shoes and smiled winningly at him. “See you next fall,” she said.

And then she stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek.

Ziegesar added that Blair’s: “[...] interviewer definitely wasn’t going to forget that kiss anytime soon.”

In preparation for her, at least, fourth attempt at losing her virginity, Blair was determined, because it was: “[…] her birthday, and tonight she was going to lose it to Nate in that [St. Claire Hotel suite] bed.” Thus, the day before: “[...] she’d been waxed, plucked, exfoliated, steamed, and moisturized from her hair follicles down to her toenails at the Aveda Salon and Spa on Spring Street.” Consequently: “Nate wasn’t going to be able to keep his hands off her tonight.”

In the suite, Blair donned a “Chloé dress [that] fit her body like a condom”, because she was wearing “absolutely nothing underneath” except for a pair of “lace-top stockings”. Consequently, Ziegesar described (17-year-old) Blair as a “bouquet-carrying sex machine”.

After the wedding ceremony, “on the sidewalk on First Avenue, across from the UN,” Blair shared with Nate, “I’m not wearing any underwear.” 

During the wedding reception, which was held “in the elegant ballroom of the St. Claire Hotel”, “Blair tilted forward in her chair and scooped up her champagne flute, downing its contents in one giant gulp.” Why? Because: “[...] she was finally going to lose her virginity to Nate, [and] she wanted to be relaxed.”

However, after bulimic Blair vomited her quenelle, had a smoke, and “spruce[d] herself up”, she discovered Nate: “In the corner [...] kissing a little ninth-grade girl from Constance Billard.”  Ziegesar wrote:

After throwing up her quenelle, Blair had gone outside to smoke a cigarette [...] and headed back to the ladies’ room to spruce herself up.

As soon as she rinsed out her mouth, smoothed down her hair, put on another coat of M•A•C Spice lipstick, and spritzed herself with perfume, she was going to find Nate and take him upstairs to their suite. Enough was enough. It was her birthday and she wanted it her way.

But as she passed through the bar on the way to the ladies’ room, Blair stopped dead. In the corner, Nathaniel Archibald—her Nate—was kissing a little ninth-grade girl from Constance Billard.

Instead of having sex in the suit with Nate, Blair had a sleepover with Serena, where they considered watching pornos and ordering beer, but they watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Ziegesar wrote:

Nate and I were supposed to have sex in here tonight,” Blair said, flopping onto the bed in her hotel suite and kicking off her shoes. 

Serena decided not to rub it in by asking Blair what had gone wrong. She pulled her dress off over her head [...] Wearing only her skimpy white satin La Perla underpants, she walked into the bathroom [...] She came out carrying an extra robe for Blair.

Blair took the robe and wriggled out of her dress. “Don’t look,” she warned. “I’m not wearing any underwear.”

Serena walked over to the TV and clicked it on. “I wonder if they get the Playboy channel here. We could watch pornos and order beer from room service,” she joked. She carried the remote over to the bed and sat down.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s was only just getting started.

(Note: In Truman Capote’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s novella, when Holiday Golightly was 13-years-old, she married a [much] older man, when she was barely 15, she lived with a college jock, and when she was 18, she stated, “I can’t get excited by a man until he’s at least forty-two.”) 

Of course, that wasn’t their first sleepover. For instance, and once again from a page out of the international bestseller My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies, during sleepovers, which happened “every weekend”, Blair and Serena took baths together. In addition, they practiced kissing, and they prankcalled their biology teacher. Ziegesar wrote:

When they were younger, Blair and Serena had taken baths together. They’d had sleepovers every weekend, during which they practiced kissing on pillows, made prank calls to their nerdy seventh-grade bio teacher, and stayed up all night giggling. Serena had been there for Blair when she got her period at the end of eighth grade and was terrified of tampons. They’d gotten drunk for the first time together.

Further reading: GOSSIP GIRL [Book 1] Recap (Part 1): Serena

"Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage" in Salacious “Less Than Zero” Novel

Here’s the synopsis posted on Goodreads for Bret Easton Ellis’ salacious Less Than Zero (Simon & Schuster, 1985):

[18-year-old] Clay, a freshman at an Eastern college, returns home to Los Angeles for Christmas break, but feels totally disconnected and aimless there, and discovers a seamy world of drugs and [teen] prostitution

Back in 2017, I saw Less Than Zero listed on a “12th Grade English: Summer Reading Assignment” for students at an “above average” Manhattan high school, located in the Gramercy Riffs' old neighborhood, where over a third of the students are white, 15% are Asian, and (only) 10% are African-American.

Junot Diaz's Pulitzer Prize winning novel, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, was on the list too. In Diaz's novel, 13-year-old Ana Obregon is: "[...] a pretty loudmouthed gordita who read Henry Miller [e.g. Sexus] while she should have been learning to wrestle logic problems." Ana was introduced to Henry Miller by her 24-year-old boyfriend. Before Ana’s boyfriend left the East Coast to join the military: "He used to read passages to her all the time”. Consequently, Ana shared, “That made me so hot."

However, unlike The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, the summer reading assignment teacher added the following disclaimer to Less Than Zero: "Note that this novel contains some disturbing content, including rape and drug use." However, the disclaimer didn’t prepare me for the fact that in Less Than Zero not one, not two, not three but four schoolgirls were raped, which made Vogue magazine’s recent post “Strap In: Vogue’s Next Book Club Pick Is Less Than Zero” (July 23, 2026) intriguing.

Clay’s Salacious Sisters

Before recapping the shocking schoolgirl rapes scenes in the novel, it’s relevant to discuss Clay’s younger sisters whom were described as blond and (approximately) 13 and 15. Unlike a number of teen girls who kept posters of teen heartthrobs on their walls, Clay’s sisters had “different GQ cutouts” of men “pasted on the wall” of their baronial bedroom.

After shopping in Beverly Hills, Clay joined his sisters and his mother in the family Mercedes. While their mother drove, Clay’s sisters discussed another prep schoolgirl whom was an 8th grader at Harvard-Westlake and who was going out with a 9th grader whom one of Clay’s sisters described as “the biggest babe”. Consequently, Clay’s ≈ 15-year-old sister wondered, “I wonder if he’s for sale.”

Still in the Mercedes, Clay’s ≈ 13-year-old sister asked for a Galaga video game for Christmas. After their mother suggested that the Galaga be put in Clay’s bedroom, one of the sisters yelled, “Bullshit! No way. Clay can’t have the Galaga in his room. He always locks his door.”

Clay’s sisters asked him several times about why he locked his bedroom door. Clay shockingly responded by accusing his middle school sisters of stealing his cocaine.

“Mom, tell him to answer me. Why do you lock your door, Clay?”

I turn around. “Because you both stole a quarter gram of cocaine from me the last time I left my door open. That’s why.”

Clay’s sisters didn’t immediately respond to their brother’s accusation. Instead, they asked their mother to turn the volume up, because Killer Pussy's "Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage" was playing on the Mercedes’ radio. Here's an excerpt from the lyrics :

Teenage, green age, awkward in-between age

(Teenage enema nurse)

I turned fifteen, thought it was a teen scene

(Teenage enema nurse)

Thought it would be easy, but it makes me queasy

I'm a teenage enema nurse

They told me, "Stick the nozzle in

There's really nothing to it

It's not a very pretty job

But someone's got to do it"

Curiously, per the Phoenix New Times article “Killer Pussy: Old-School Phoenix Punk Parodists Gather For 30th Anniversary Reunion” (May 27, 2010), in 1982, "Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage" was the second most played song on L.A.’s KROQ.

As for Clay’s cocaine theft accusation, after the family arrived home, Clay’s 13-year-old sister exclaimed out by the pool, “That’s bullshit. I can get my own cocaine.”

After Clay’s father was picked up “at his penthouse in Century City”, the family had Christmas Eve dinner “in the main room at Chasen”, where Clay’s sisters “look[ed] bored and tan and talk[ed] about anorexic friends and some Calvin Klein model” as they held their “glasses up by the stem and drink the[ir] champagne slowly”.

One morning, Clay’s sisters, while donning bathing suits in their mother’s large bed, blared Duran Duran, perused men in old GQ magazines, possibly for content to paste on their bedroom walls, and they watched porn; however, one of Clay’s sisters shared that “she hates it when they show the guy coming.” Ellis wrote:

I get up late the next morning to the blare of Duran Duran coming from my mother’s room. The door’s open and my sisters are lying on the large bed, wearing bathing suits, leafing through old issues of GQ, watching some porno film on the Betamax with the sound turned off. I sit down on the bed, also in my bathing suit, and they tell me that Mom went out to lunch and that the maid went shopping and I watch about ten minutes of the movie, wondering whose it is—my mom’s? sisters’? Christmas present from a friend? the person with the Ferrari? mine? One of my sisters says that she hates it when they show the guy coming and I walk downstairs, out to the pool, do my laps.

While sitting poolside with their mother, apropos of nothing, one of Clay’s sisters informed him, “Anyway, I’m having ON [TV] put on the cable.” Coincidentally, per Wikipedia, at its peak in 1982, L.A. was ON TV’s most successful market, which was largely due to ON TV’s adult programming option (i.e., porn).

Shocking Schoolgirl Scenes

As for the shocking schoolgirl rapes scenes in Less Than Zero, at a party in Malibu, Clay and partygoers watched a snuff film that was purchased for $15,000, where a nude, “maybe” 15-year-old girl, had “each foot tied to a bedpost” while a “fat black guy” with a “huge hardon” laid her; however, the young partygoers debated whether or not the fat black guy really killed the schoolgirl with an ice pick, wire hanger, and “thin, large knife”. Ellis wrote:

Everyone in the room is looking up at a large television screen [...] There's a young girl, nude, maybe fifteen, on a bed, her arms are tied together above her head and her legs spread apart, each foot tied to a bedpost [...] The camera cuts quickly to [...] this fat black guy, who's also naked and who's got this huge hardon [...] he has sex with the girl and then walks off the screen.

It's a snuff film, but the viewers at the party debate whether or not the Black man really killed the nymphet with "an ice pick, and what looks like a wire hanger and a package of nails and then a thin, large knife".

Later in the novel, while visiting Daniel, Clay learned from Daniel that a girl, “pretty and sixteen”, was drugged by her 17-year-old drug dealer before she was taken to a party, possibly in the Hollywood Hills, where she got “gangbanged by the entire party”. Ellis wrote:

"She's pretty and sixteen and [...] she goes to Westward Ho on Westwood Boulevard and she meets her dealer there [...] And this guy spends all day shooting her full of smack again and again..."

"And then he feeds her some acid and takes her off to a party in the hills or in the Colony and then...and then..." Daniel stops.

"And then what?" I ask, handing him back the joint.

"And then she gets gangbanged by the entire party."

Subsequently, Clay visited Rip's apartment in Wilshire, where Shandra, a “really young and pretty” 12-year-old girl, who attended Our Lady of Corvallis, a Catholic girls’ high school in Studio City, had her legs spread and tied to the bedposts. Consequently, Clay could see that Shandra’s “cunt” had been recently shaved. Although, Clay was informed that Shandra was “tight”, Clay declined to lay the schoolgirl; however, Trent, Clay’s friend from high school, had his way with the subdued schoolgirl. Ellis wrote:

"[at] Rip's apartment in Wilshire, he leads us into the bedroom. There's a naked girl, really young and pretty, lying on the mattress. Her legs are spread and tied to the bedposts and her arms are tied above her head. Her cunt is all rashed and looks dry and I can see that it's been shaved. She keeps moaning and murmuring words and moving her head from side to side [...]"

Rip says something.

"She's twelve."

"And she is tight, man," Spin laughs.

"Her name is Shandra and she goes to Corvalis" is all Rips says.

And readers learned from Clay that after a “young girl from San Diego” attended a party in Palm Springs with kids from L.A., San Francisco, and Sacramento, she was “raped repeatedly” and fatally mutilated. Ellis wrote:

A young girl from San Diego who had been at the party had been found the next morning, her wrists and ankles tied together. She had been raped repeatedly. She also had been strangled and her throat had been slit and her breasts had been cut off and someone had stuck candles where they used to be. Her body had been found at the Sun Air Drive-In hanging upside down from the swing set [...]

Clay, Blair and the Drunken Blond Girl

Blair was Clay’s girlfriend in high school. Blair was described as having “long blond hair”, she lived in Beverly Hills, and she was a freshman at, what she termed, “the University of Spoiled Children” and “Or Jew . S.C.” (i.e., University of Southern California). Blair and Clay had sex for the first time before they left for college. (Presumably, in high school, but you never know.) It happened in Clay’s Palm Springs house, where Blair’s body was “tan and wet, lying against cool, white sheets.”

However, during the novel, Blair and Clay’s relationship was strained. Consequently, in addition to having sex with Blair, Clay hooked up with another girl. For example, at the After Hours night club, a drunk girl, sixteen and tan, sat next to Clay with her hand on his lap.

After Clay returned from the bathroom, where he did not “do any of the coke”, “the drunken blond girl [...] and Blair are talking about S.A.T. scores.” After Blair appeared to leave the club with “two blond girls”, Clay and the girl danced, and the girl whispered to Clay that maybe they should go to her place, where in her bedroom, Clay and the girl undressed, and she had Clay don a pair of Wayfarer sunglasses and masturbate using Bain De Soleil as lube. The girl masturbated using Bain De Soleil as lube as well. After Clay shared, “I’m going to come,” the girl asked him to “hold on a minute”, because she was “almost there”. To get there completely, the girl “move[d] her hand faster, spreading her legs wider, leaning back against the pillows”.

After they both arrived, the girl,l “flushed”, turned on MTV, handed Clay “a box of Kleenex”, lit a cigarette, and told Clay to be “quiet walking down the stairs”, so he wouldn’t “wake her parents.” Ellis wrote:

[...] we go to her room and I take off my clothes and lie on her bed and she goes into the bathroom [...] she finally comes out, a towel wrapped around her, and sits on the bed [...] she tells me to lean against the headboard and I do and then she takes off the towel and she’s naked and she reaches into the drawer by her bed and brings out a tube of Bain De Soleil and she hands it to me and then she reaches into the drawer and brings out a pair of Wayfarer sunglasses and she tells me to put them on and I do. And she takes the tube of suntan lotion from me and squeezes some onto her fingers and then touches herself and motions for me to do the same, and I do [...] after this goes on for a while I tell her that I’m going to come and she tells me to hold on a minute and that she’s almost there and she begins to move her hand faster, spreading her legs wider, leaning back against the pillows, and I take the sunglasses off and she tells me to put them back on and I put them back on and it stings when I come and then I guess she comes too. Bowie’s on the stereo and she gets up, flushed, and turns the stereo off and turns on MTV. I lie there, naked, sunglasses still on, and she hands me a box of Kleenex [...] She lights a cigarette and I start to dress. And then I call a cab and finally take the Wayfarers off and she tells me to be “quiet walking down the stairs so I won’t wake her parents.

Less Than Zero was, unsurprisingly, a major bestseller, but I would have to agree with Michiko Kakutani’s review in The New York Times that the novel was “disturbing” and that it had an “unnerving air of [a] documentary”. Kakutani wrote: “One of the most disturbing novels I’ve read in a long time. It possesses an unnerving air of documentary reality.”