Wednesday, September 20, 2023

YOU ARE SO NOT INVITED TO MY BAT MITZVAH (2023): Was Teen Stacy Sexualized for Streams?

I first wrote about a bat mitzvah in the first edition of The Allure of Nymphets when I wrote about Project X (2012), which is a raunchy teen comedy that had multiple teen girl-on-girl kissing scenes, a variety of foreplay scenes - from threesomes to standard twosomes, and the schoolgirls in the film happily complied with the Naked Girls Only swimming pool policy. In the film, after the police arrived on the scene of the bawdy high school party to investigate a noise complaint, the police asked, “Is there an adult here we might speak with?” Costa (Oliver Cooper), a Jewish teen transport from Queens, replied, “You’re speaking with one […] in my culture I’ve been a man since my 13th birthday.”

Subsequently, in preparation for the third edition of The Allure of Nymphets, I’ve written a number of blog posts about bat and bar mitzvahs. For instance, I blogged about how Michiko Kakutani wrote in his New York Times review of Nick McDonell's national bestseller Twelve (Grove Press, 2003) that McDonell's novel: “[...] gives us some digitally clear snapshots of life in the upscale ZIP codes of millennial Manhattan." Some of the snapshots from upscale millennial Manhattan that McDonell portrayed were: a "first blow job at a bat mitzvah", teens viewing porn, teen sex for drugs, and: "[...] girls who talk about how they try to fuck with their shrinks. Or how they actually try to fuck their shrinks."

In Woody Allen’s A Rainy Day in New York (2019), I wrote about Gatsby (Timothée Chalamet) whom shared some information about Amy - his gorgeous and sexually advanced Jewish high school sweetheart. 

"Amy was gorgeous and so sexually advanced. Word on Amy was she performed oral sex at a bar mitzvah. I think they should make that a part of every Jewish holiday [...] And what a great Hanukkah gift."

Donny’s Bar Mitzvah (2021)

I wrote about Donny’s Bar Mitzvah (2021). The headline of Kristen Yoonsoo Kim's New York Times review referred to the film as "A Rude and Raunchy Coming-of-Age", which may be due to the fact that approximately three minutes into the film, that’s set in Donny’s Bar Mitzvah, streamers are given the impression that 13-year-old Donny loved DP; however, it’s not clear if Donny loved participating in threesomes or if he enjoyed watching double-penetration porn - or both.

In addition, we learned a lot about Hannah, aka Handjob Hannah, Donny's middle-school classmate. We learned that she got "finger blasted" in class while watching Bill Nye The Science Guy, and allegedly Hannah didn't restrict her sexual services to handjobs. Here's the dialogue that took place between some middle-schoolers at the bar mitzvah:

"Handjob Hannah?"

"You know she got finger blasted last week in class while watching Bill Nye The Science Guy?"

"Yes, I know that."

"Dude. Hannah is a whore. Kiss her? Yo man. You're gonna get a blow job tonight [during the bar mitzvah]!"

"I mean. He's right. You are gonna get your dick sucked bro."

Although, Hannah's dad affectionately called her "sugar tits", Hannah did not participate in the bar mitzvah’s teen girl-on-girl kiss challenge, but after a nubile nymphet asked a boy, “Is it true you’ve got a big dick?”, Hannah, along with the other middle schoolers, shouted repeatedly, “Show us your dick! Show us your dick!” Consequently, Hannah was awestruck. 

Of course, not all of the raunchy teen behavior happened during the bar or bat mitzvahs. For example, in James Franco’s Palo Alto, yes that James Franco, April attended a bat mitzvah where Shauna became a "woman", but before going to the bat mitzvah, April went to Mr. B's house to babysit Michael - Mr. B's five-year-old son. (April described Mr. B as having: "[...] a good body, good hair, and a nice smile") However, it wasn’t until days after the Shauna’s bat mitzvah did April return to Mr. B's house where 14-year-old April and Mr. B, April’s high school soccer coach, had sex on Mr. B’s canapé

As for Netflix’s You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (2023), let’s begin with IMDb’s synopsis:

Stacy [Sunny Sandler, the daughter of Adam] and Lydia are BFFs who've always dreamed about having epic Bat Mitzvahs. However, things start to go comically awry when a popular boy and middle school drama threatens their friendship and their rite of passage.

Minutes into the film, streamers were reminded that, like Project X’s Costa, Stacy’s Bat Mitzvah would be her “kick off [into] adulthood”

DJ Schmuley, “All right, mishpachah, please say hello to our newest and most fabulous adult Stacy Friedman.”

Stacy, “Your bat mitzvah is the first day of your adult life.” “And what better way to kick off adulthood than with the hottest guy in seventh grade?”

Maybe that’s why, to the possible dismay of (practicing) muslim and (ultra) orthodox jewish streamers, Stacy appeared to be sexualized and/or self-sexualized in the film - especially when one compares Stacy in the film to Stacy in the novel (Little, Brown and Company, 2023).

For example, minutes into the film, 13-year-old Stacy fantasized that she was on a stage at her bat mitzvah in front of a throng of cheering onlookers before whom she ripped off her maxi length dress to reveal a hot pink micro mini skirt. After Stacy returned to reality, in a full length mirror, she surveyed her derrière, and hoisted her breasts, which were now behind a blue and white mini skirt.

And not even 15 minutes into the film, in what began like a (hebephile and podophile’s) dream sequence, streamers were slowly given privy to Stacy in the prone position with her buttocks prominent and bare feet pronounced. 

Later, on a dare, Stacy jumped off The Ledge into the lake, which, somehow, caused her bloodied pad to dislodge and float; however, in the novel, Stacy hadn’t reached puberty. And in the novel, Lydia, Stacy’s best friend, got into the water at the quarry where it was rumored that Lydia and Andy, Stacy’s crush, had teen sex. Kym said, “I heard Lydia and Andy did it in the water at the quarry. What a slut.”

In the novel, Stacy narrated: “Did I mention I still hadn’t gotten my period and that I found a stray hair on my nipple [...]” But in the film, after Stacey heard a rumor that Andy touched Lydia’s “under boob in PE”, Stacy posted the following on the 7th_Grade_Rumorz Instagram account where 7th graders were encouraged to SPILL THE TEA - EVERYTHING’S ANONYMOUS: “Lydia has long black hairs on her nipples”

Lydia, “You wouldn’t happen to know why people keep asking me if they can floss their teeth with my nipple hair today, do you, Stacy?”  

Stacy, “How do I know your nipples are hairless?”

Lydia, “Because you do!”

Hence, in the film, it’s implied that Stacy saw Lydia’s nipples. And Megan asked, “So, Lydia, any crushes?” But after Lydia replied, “No, not really. There’s not a lot of opt [sic] for boys in our grade,” Anya asked Lydia, Oh, so you only like boys?” And as for the novel, there was a rumor going around the middle-school that Lydia was using Andy as a “decoy”, because she was “really in love” with Stacy. 

Kym informed Stacy, “I heard that Trampy said that Lydia Katz was just using Andy as a decoy because she’s really in love with You” 

Thus, the question remains, is it being implied in the film and the novel that Stacy and Lydia were (mainstream) teen bi-sexuals?

Subsequently in the film, when Stacy tried on a dress for her bat mitzvah, I was surprised that Sammi Cohen, the film’s director, chose to have streamers focus on Stacy’s hot pink bra, but maybe Cohen was inspired by a similar scene in the novel, but in the novel, Stacy’s “belly and underwear were exposed”. 

Exclusively in the film, during an impromptu photoshoot, Stacy reminded her friends, Nikki and Tara, “Oh my God, we’re women now.” Ergo, Nikki took iPhone photos while Tara did the lighting as Stacy posed seductively and repeatedly in a micro mini skirt that was so small and tight that, once again, Stacy’s bra was exposed.

After the photoshoot, Stacy accidentally sexted texted the sexy photos to Andy whom approved. Consequently, Stacy and Andy left class and kissed in the temple in front of the Torah!

In terms of middle schoolers sexting, Stacy's text to Andy reminded me of Swiffer Girl, because it could be that one day a schoolgirl is texting a schoolboy photos of her posing seductively in a micro mini but the next day, like Swiffer Girl, she’s sexting performances of teen autoerotism with a Swiffer broom. 

And Stacy and Andy kissing in the temple reminded me of Restless Virgins: Love, Sex, and Survival in Prep School, and the Gossip Girl reboot

In Restless Virgins, a New York Times Bestseller, Reed, a Milton Academy prep schoolboy, was led to the Apthorp chapel by a schoolgirl whom performed oral sex on Reed near the chapel’s “massive pipe organ”, which happened after Reed “fingered her briefly”. And on Gossip Girls’ “Once Upon a Time in the Upper West” (s01e07), three Constance Billard students had a teen orgy in the prep school’s chapel - beneath the crucifix. 


In the film, not only did Stacy kiss Andy but Lydia kissed Andy as well, which caused Stacy to ask about Lydia’s kissing skills.

Stacy, “Is Lydia a good kisser?”

Andy, “She’s a’ight.”

Stacy, “Probably because you were her first kiss.”

Andy, “No, she told me she’s kissed a bunch of guys before.”

Stacy, “At camp?”

Andy, “Yes.”

Did Stacy not know that Lydia “kissed a bunch of guys” at camp or was Lydia lying? #rhetoricalquestion. But Stacy was correct to assume that Lydia’s raunchy behavior happened at camp, because camp is notorious for its tween and teen raunchy behavior. For example, on the "Postcards from Europe" episode of the Hot Girls Talks podcast (Aug 18, 2022), Carly shared with Halley and Jaz:

"If you went to camp, you'd know that you saw plenty of vaginas in a lifetime and probably the inside of them [...] because at camp you just are, like, crazy. Yeah, it's just a thing. I don't know, like, people that went to camp know. Just camp things."

Lena Dunham shared in her memoir, Not That Kind of Girl, that when she was a 14-year-old summer camper, she found her “truest love” whom was none other than 21-year-old Johnny. Dunham wrote:

“[Johnny] was blond, from South Carolina, and just shy of twenty-two.” In her bunk, Lena fantasized about discarding her “[...] clothes, approaching Johnny, and letting him put his hands all over [...]” her body.

And 17-year-old Danielle confessed in “Reality Check From Young Voices”, a chapter in Cappiello and McInerney’s Cappiello’s Slut: A Play and Guidebook, that “lots of sexual firsts” happened at her “typical Jewish summer camp” (e.g., filming (oral) sex tapes):

“I go to this, where promiscuous behavior is practically encouraged and cultivated [...] with no parental supervision, there are lots of sexual firsts for everyone [...] There is one girl in particular, Georgia, who is really petite and very pretty [...] Josh and another boy coerced - basically forced - Georgia to give them blow jobs, while others filmed it on their phones.”

Let's share just two more peculiar bits of dialogue that were in the film but that were not in the novel. In the film, before Stacy jumped from The Ledge, a 7th grader shared that she was distraught over the news that her mother wouldn’t let her get lip filler, but she was comforted by the news from another 7th grader that Botox was allowed, which could be used for lips.  

“Ugh, my mom said I have to wait a year before I can get lip filler.”

“She said you can have Botox. Just use that on your lips.” 


And for some reason Lydia asked, “Remember when that string on my tampon broke? (I will not share what teen streaming show Lydia’s broken tampon string reminded me of.)

Lastly, the rhetorical question remains, why did it appear that Stacy was sexualized and/or self-sexualized in the film - especially when one compares the film to the novel. So much so that the film received a PG-13 slash PARENTS STRONGLY CAUTIONED rating due to SOME CRUDE/SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE and Some Material [That] May Be Inappropriate for Children Under 13. Yet, unsurprisingly, considering the allure of the nymphet in the film, You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah earned a 92% TOMATOMETER.

Interestingly, Rosenbloom (nom de plume Amanda Stern) didn't seem to mind the liberties that the screenwriters and Cohen took with her novel, which makes sense because Stern, who went to the Nightingale-Bamford School, shared with Emma Allen in the New Yorker piece "A Gen X-er Goes Bat-Mitzvah-Dress Shopping" that after she called a friend in her Manhattan "middle-school clique" a "cock-sucking dyke", another friend from the clique taught Stern how to perform oral sex, and the friend inserted a tampon into Stern. #DionneWarwick

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