Thursday, November 21, 2013

MY SECRET GARDEN: From Bestiality to Urophilia | Teen's Sexual Fantasies

Ariel Levy related in Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture that:

On the occasion of the thirtieth anniversary of Nancy Friday’s groundbreaking collection of women’s sexual fantasies, My Secret Garden, there was a panel discussion called “Sex and What Women Want Now” at the 92nd Street YMHA in New York City. The event was moderated by Friday’s husband, Norman Pearlstein, the editor-in-chief of Time, Inc.; and besides Friday herself, the other panelists included Candace Bushnell, the author of the book Sex and the City, on which the HBO series was based [...]

That’s correct. The panel was held at the Upper East Side’s posh 92nd Street Y, Friday was married to the editor-in-chief of Time, Inc., and Sex and the City’s Bushnell was on the panel. And during the discussion, Friday opined that as long as a (very young) woman reaches orgasm, it doesn’t matter whom she thinks about while masturbating or during sex; thus, based on Friday’s My Secret Garden, it’s safe to assume that Friday condones fantasizing about teachers, fathers and priests.

“Doesn’t everyone here agree that it doesn’t really matter?” Friday asked. “If it takes you where you want to go, if it helps you reach orgasm, does it matter who you’re thinking about?” 

Friday's My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies is an international bestselling collection of women's fantasies that were collected during the early 1970s via interviews and letters from women from a variety of ethnicities and socioeconomic classes.

The book is both revealing and shocking. For example, a number of women fantasized about bestiality (e.g., some women fantasized about their dogs performing oral sex on them and fantasized about having sex with horses or donkeys.) Other common fantasies included: incest, rape (often by more than one man), orgies (with men and/or women - “alone” or with an audience), and sex with African-American men. 

What's most relevant for our purposes is that Friday discovered that most of the women whom contributed to the book started fantasizing when they were nymphets. More specifically, most of them began fantasizing when they were between the ages of 7 and 11. 

Here are some examples the nymphet fantasies:

Men, Kings, Fathers & Priests

When Suzanne was a nymphet, she read in a sex instruction book about a girl who was alone in a cloakroom at a dance before a man came behind her, lifted her dress and inserted his penis into her. Suzanne was "excited" about the case history and would think about that scene while she masturbated. Eventually, Suzanne fantasized that she was the girl in the cloakroom.

Francesca's fantasy is that after her mother trains her to be a "purely and perfect sexual object" she is "brought at the age of thirteen or fourteen, as a pubescent girl” by her mother to be sold to an Oriental king. To win the king's favor, Francesca's mother "performs" on her with her finger, before Francesca, excuse the pun, mounts the King's throne.

Since Bella was 8-years-old, her father has always been her "fantasy lover during masturbation".

Barbara shared that she likes to imagine that she is a naughty nymphet and is "[...] hauled up in front of the headmistress for a caning [...]" with her knickers down to her knees. Barbara added that in the Middle Ages, some priests used to undress nymphets and cane them after their confessions. And many nymphets, "[...] who fancied their particular priest simply went and lied in the confession, knowing what it would lead to."

[Pre] Teen Lipstick Lesbianism

Clarissa shared that she remembers when she and her friend were caught masturbating with candles when they were 12.

Marina began to be aware of men at the age of 9 or 10 and thought about them while she masturbated; however, Marina only had "a vague idea of what lovemaking was" until she met her friend, a 10-year-old Mediterranean girl. Marina and the Mediterranean nymphet used to sit at opposite ends of the bathtub and pour warm water from a Russian silver teapot all over their clitorises while caressing their bodies "with infallible, instinctive verve."

Celia shared that when she was about 8, she used to bully her "[...] friend into playing games where we had to pretend to take off our clothes and the 'wicked man' would make us walk in the street [...]" In addition, Celia confessed that when she was 10, she wanted to be a stripper and that she had "intimate contact" with her girlfriend.

When Alison was 14, she had an "[...] unusual relationship with a close girlfriend." For example, Alison's girlfriend would dress her in a sexy bikini made of chiffon scarves, before she pretended that she was a "rowdy seaman" and raped Allison.


Lisa began fantasizing when she was a nymphet about going to bed and having intercourse with a man. Now that she's married, her fantasies frequently involve animals.

When Dawn was 15, she enjoyed sauntering around her house in the "[...] summer when her parents were out [...]" and having breakfast in the nude. On one such morning, she noticed that her dog, "[...] had this huge hard-on [...]" while he tried to climb upon her. And since that day she said that she has fantasized about that scene "[...] a thousand different ways, complete with the dog's prick inside me, and my family walking in on the scene [...]".

Nina "[...] discovered the delights of masturbation, at the age of seven [...]" She used to imagine that her girlfriend was rubbing between her legs or that her girlfriend's dog was licking her vagina.


Gail was almost raped when she was a nymphet in her boyfriend’s best friend's car, now that she's an adult, she "frequently" fantasizes about being raped. 

Heather's first fantasy occurred when she was about 11 or 12. She would lie in bed at night and imagine herself being followed and overpowered in the woods by a strange man whom would make her "do things against" her will. Later, the fantasy changed to her being repeatedly sold as a slave in the East.


As for Nathalie, the "[…] thought of being spanked used to arouse sexual feelings at the age of six or seven [...]"

Stella's fantasies go back to when she was a pre-teen. When she was 11, a group of boys and girls started bullying her on her way home from school. The leader of the group told Stella that, from that day forth, she was to obey his orders and do whatever he wished. It never happened, but Stella has fantasized about the possibilities since she was a nymphet. 


Theda's first sexual fantasy started when she was about 7 or 8 after she gazed upon her teacher's "rotund posterior".  She wrote that she had "an infantile urge” to slide her hand “[…] down his bum cheeks and round to 'the front' [...]". And when she was 14, her friend Monica "[...] allowed boys to feel her while she undid their flies and 'tossed them off'.

Alexandra fantasizes about having an affair with her high school teacher. She stated emphatically, "[...] I'm sure it would not be a fantasy if I gave him a little encouragement." I concur

On a related note, Stephanie fantasizes about very young girls being raped "by a mad professor". In Stephanie’s fantasy, the professor decides whom he was going to rape by examining "their sexual apparatus".


When Fiona was a nymphet she wrote that she "[...] played the usual doctor […]" and "house" games, which consisted of her exposing and exploring her little friend’s genitals. Somehow, Fiona made a sexual association between sex and urinating and fantasized while sitting on the toilet with her legs apart that one of the little boys urinated into the toilet between her legs.

When Phyllis makes love to her husband, she often thinks about the first time she saw a penis, which happened when she was a virgin nymphet. But that is not when she had her first sexual fantasy. That happened after she saw a man urinating when she was about 11. She didn't actually see the man's penis. She saw his "stream of urine," but that was enough to get her too "excited".

A close reading of My Secret Garden will show that a number of the nymphet’s fantasies combined a combination of fetishes, but in some cases, fantasies weren’t shared, but actual events were related. For example, Theda, who fantasized about her teacher, shared that when she was 14, her friend Monica "[...] allowed boys to feel her while she undid their flies and 'tossed them off'. And after 10-year-old Lindsay saw an urinating man's penis, she used every spare moment in hopes of seeing another man’s penis.  

Furthermore, the “fantasies” under lipstick lesbianism were actually [pre] teen salacious non-fiction events. Remember that Clarissa shared that she and her friend were actually caught masturbating with candles - when they were 12.

And some contributors simply shared how they masturbated.

Sonia wrote that when she was 11 or 12, she used to "[...] sit in the back seat of the car on trips and cross [...]" her legs "very tightly," which caused the bumps in the rode to stimulate her sexually.

When Kay was 10, she frequently dressed up as a pirate by pulling her trousers, very tightly, up to her "crotch," because it "felt good 'down there'".

Interestingly, most of the contributors to My Secret Garden were no longer nymphets when they submitted their fantasies, which, as we now know, often began when they were pre-teens. However, Bobbie was 15 when she submitted her fantasy. 

Bobbie related that while she is having one of her daily masturbation sessions, she imagines that a boy who turns her on is tied up while she plays with his penis. Bobbie makes the boy suffer and won't let him have an orgasm until after he performs "cunnilingus" on her. Bobbie went on to share: "Sometimes if I really feel devilish, I imagine that I pee in his mouth and he has to swallow it." #urophilia

Lastly, after reading My Secret Garden, which the Village Voice wrote is “A real turn-on!”, I was not surprised to read that (some) women enjoy glancing at "crotches", because I've seen nymphets take pictures of men's crotches on the Uptown 4. However, I was surprised to learn that (some) lesbians fantasize about having sex with men while having sex with women. Ironic?

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