Thursday, November 21, 2013

MY SECRET GARDEN: Teen's Sexual Fantasies

Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies is an international bestselling collection of women's fantasies. The fantasies were collected during the early 1970s via interviews and letters from women from a variety of races and socioeconomic classes.

The book is both revealing and shocking. For example, a number of women fantasized about bestiality (e.g., more than several of the women fantasized about their dogs performing oral sex on them and fantasized about having sex with horses or donkeys.) Incest, being raped (often by more than one man), sex with multiple men and/or women “alone” or in front of audiences, and sex with African-American men were common fantasies. Furthermore, I was surprised to learn that, ironically, (some) lesbians fantasize about having sex with men while they are having lesbian sex. However, I wasn't surprised to learn that some women enjoy glancing at "crotches", because I've seen nymphets take pictures of men's crotches on the subway.

What's most relevant for our purposes is that Friday discovered that most of the women whom contributed to the book started fantasizing when they were nymphets. More specifically, most of them began fantasizing when they were between the ages of 7 and 11. 

Here are some examples:

When Suzanne was a nymphet, she read in a sex instruction book about a girl who was alone in a cloakroom at a dance before a man came behind her, lifted her dress and inserted his penis into her. Suzanne was "excited" about the case history and would think about that scene while she masturbated. Eventually, Suzanne fantasized that she was the girl in the cloakroom.

Francesca's fantasy is that after her mother trains her to be a "purely and perfect sexual object" she is "brought at the age of thirteen or fourteen, as a pubescent girl” by her mother to be sold to an Oriental king.  To win the king's favor, Francesca's mother "performs" on her with her finger, before Francesca, excuse the pun, mounts the King's throne.

Clarissa shared that she remembers when she and her friend were caught masturbating with candles when they were 12.

Lisa began fantasizing when she was a nymphet about going to bed and having intercourse with a man, now that she's married, her fantasies frequently involve animals.

When Mary Jo was a nymphet she fantasized about undressing while a boy she liked watched.

Gail was almost raped in her boyfriend’s best friend's car when she was a nymphet, now that she's an adult, she "frequently" fantasizes about being raped. 

Barbara shared that she likes to imagine that she is a naughty nymphet and is "... hauled up in front of the headmistress for a caning..." with her knickers down to her knees. Barbara added that in the Middle Ages, some priests used to undress nymphets and cane them after their confessions. And many nymphets, "who fancied their particular priest simply went and lied in the confession, knowing what it would lead to."

On a related note, the "…thought of being spanked used to arouse sexual feelings at the age of six or seven..." in Nathalie.

Heather's first fantasy occurred when she was about 11 or 12. She would lie in bed at night and imagine herself being followed and overpowered in the woods by a strange man who would make her "do things against" her will. Later, the fantasy changed to her being repeatedly sold as a slave in the East.

Marina began to be aware of men at the age of 9 or 10 and thought about them while she masturbated; however, Marina only had "a vague idea of what lovemaking was" until she met her friend, a 10-year-old Mediterranean girl. Marina and the Mediterranean nymphet used to sit at opposite ends of the bathtub and pour warm water from a Russian silver teapot all over their clitorises while caressing their bodies "with infallible, instinctive verve."

Since Bella was 8-years-old, her father has always been her "fantasy lover during masturbation".

When Dawn was 15, she enjoyed sauntering around her house in the "...summer when her parents were out..." and having breakfast in the nude. On one such morning, she noticed that her dog, "...had this huge hard-on..." while he tried to climb upon her. And since that day she said that she has fantasized about that scene "... a thousand different ways, complete with the dog's prick inside me, and my family walking in on the scene...".

Celia shared that when she was about 8, she used to bully her "... friend into playing games where we had to pretend to take off our clothes and the 'wicked man' would make us walk in the street..." In addition, Celia confessed that when she was 10, she wanted to be a stripper and that she had "intimate contact" with her girlfriend.

Theda's first sexual fantasy started after she gazed upon her teacher's "rotund posterior" when she was about 7 or 8.  She wrote that she had "an infantile urge” to slide her hand “…down his bum cheeks and round to 'the front'...". And when she was 14, her friend Monica "...allowed boys to feel her while she undid their flies and 'tossed them off'.

Lindsay's "fascination with men and the whole idea of sex began when " …she was about 10 after she saw a man's penis while he was urinating in the woods. And from that day on, she "...hung around the woods every spare moment...hoping to see another one."

When Fiona was a nymphet she wrote that she "...played the usual doctor…" and "house" games, which consisted of her exposing and exploring her little friend’s genitals. Somehow, Fiona made a sexual association between sex and urinating and fantasized while sitting on the toilet with her legs apart that one of the little boys urinated into the toilet between her legs.

Sonia wrote that when she was 11 or 12, she used to "...sit in the back seat of the car on trips and cross..." her legs "very tightly," which caused the bumps in the rode to stimulate her sexually.

When Phyllis makes love to her husband, she often thinks about the first time she saw a penis, which happened when she was a virgin nymphet. But that is not when she had her first sexual fantasy. That happened after she saw a man urinating when she was about 11. She didn't actually see the man's penis. She saw his "stream of urine," but that was enough to get her to "excited".

When Kay was 10, she frequently dressed up as a pirate by pulling her trousers, very tightly, up to her "crotch," because it "felt good 'down there'".

Stella's fantasies go back to when she was a pre-teen. When she was 11, a group of boys and girls started bullying her on her way home from school. The leader of the group told Stella that from that day forth she was to obey his orders and do whatever he wished. It never happened, but Stella has fantasized about the possibilities since she was a nymphet. 

Nina "...discovered the delights of masturbation, at the age of seven..." She used to imagine that her girlfriend was rubbing between her legs or that her girlfriend's dog was licking her vagina.

Alexandra fantasizes about having an affair with her high school teacher. She stated emphatically, "...I'm sure it would not be a fantasy if I gave him a little encouragement." I concur.

On a related note, Stephanie fantasizes about very young girls being raped "by a mad professor" who decides whom he was going to rape by examining "their sexual apparatus".

When Alison was 14, she had an "...unusual relationship with a close girlfriend." For example, Alison's girlfriend would dress her in a sexy bikini made of chiffon scarves, before she pretended that she was a "rowdy seaman" and raped Allison.

Lastly, most of the contributors to My Secret Garden were no longer nymphets when they submitted their fantasies that often began when they were pre-teens. However, Bobbie was 15 when she submitted her fantasy. Bobbie shared that while she is having one of her daily masturbation sessions, she imagines that a boy who turns her on is tied up while she plays with his penis. Bobbie makes the boy suffer and won't let him have an orgasm until after he performs "cunnilingus" on her. Bobbie went on to share "Sometimes if I really feel devilish, I imagine that I pee in his mouth and he has to swallow it."

I would imagine that most of you are floored by what I pooled from My Secret Garden, especially if you share the same mindset that feminist held at the turn of the century when they accused “dirty old men” of seducing innocent and pure nymphets. But, it should be clear that nymphets are far from being innocent and pure, which is why feminist eventually stopped accusing ephebophile’s for the nymphets raunchy behavior and turned their efforts on rehabilitating the nubile teens.

[Update 8/6/17] I read in the Village Voice about Pete Holmes’ ‘You Made It Weird’ podcast where on episode 55 Jenny Slate (SNL, Parks and Recreation, Girls) shared that she used to masturbate or "vagina jockey" (VJ) when she was a child on a couch in the "boring" living room that housed the family piano. 

Slate shared, "There was this one couch that was asking for it - basically." Slate would straddle the arm of the couch "doing the movement" breathing heavily with "little grunts" until she had what she described as a "child orgasm".

Tidal Magazine posted that Slate talks about her "propensity as a child for masturbating on the arm of her parents’ living room couch" in her comedy routine. And Gabe Liedman said in a Rolling Stone post, "Jenny had a very confessional style, and she was talking about stuff I could relate to, like dry humping furniture when you're little..."

[Update 12/26/22] Ariel Levy related in Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture that upon the 13th anniversary of the release of Friday's My Secret Garden, a panel discussion was held at the 92nd Street Y in Manhattan, and I learned from Levy that, at the time, Friday's husband was no other than Norman Pearlstein - the former editor-in-chief of Time, Inc.
On the occasion of the thirtieth anniversary of Nancy Friday’s groundbreaking collection of women’s sexual fantasies, My Secret Garden, there was a panel discussion called “Sex and What Women Want Now” at the 92nd Street YMHA in New York City. The event was moderated by Friday’s husband, Norman Pearlstein, the editor-in-chief of Time, Inc.; and besides Friday herself, the other panelists included Candace Bushnell, the author of the book Sex and the City, on which the HBO series was based; Candida Royalle; and Faye Wattleton, president of the Center for the Advancement of Women (and formerly the first African-American head of Planned Parenthood). 

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