Saturday, January 18, 2020

VICE's Teen Teleiophile Billie JD Porter: Old Men Are Greater Than Boys

Billie JD Porter

An anonymous reader sent us Billie JD Porter's Vice memoir-like post "Billie JD Porter's Half-Life Story" where Porter, a British journalist, model and documentarian, shared aspects of her life as a nymphet. Here are some relevant excerpts:

YOUTH (AGE 10–12)

Porter went to "[...] a fucking terrible school, EGA, nicknamed “Every Girl Available”. EGA had only just turned single sex in an attempt to try and improve the behaviour [sic], but it hadn’t worked." The separation of the sexes didn't work because "[...] lots of boys snuck into lessons."


"I started dating the son of Pinhead from Hellraiser (cool!!!!) and almost got fingered, but didn’t."


At 14, Porter related that she was "[...] hanging around and ["transient binge"] drinking Aftershock with emos on Camden Lock during the day [...]" 


When Porter was between 14 and 15, she realized that old men were greater than boys: "I lost my virginity to a socially inept drum ’n’ bass DJ who brought our pet goldfish to his sets at Fabric. It died, just like our love, when I fucked a more successful DJ and realised [sic] old men > boys." (Note: If you don't remember from math class, > is the greater than symbol.)

LOL-ITA (15)

Porter's confessed that her Lolita phase was her favorite:

"My precocious nature and snaggletooth started to attract lots of older guys. I spent a good year or so rinsing rich men for drinks and drugs with my friend Amy Green. We spent a lot of time in hotel bars hanging out with investment bankers from Dubai, forcing them to take us for rides in their yellow Ferraris and pay for our Champagne Shimmers. Sometimes we wound up smoking weed with Eurotrash and other times we found ourselves at awkward lock-ins at cocktail bars with lawyers. I remember one man wheezing in my ear, “You’re the fire of my loins” (he really said that). But for all the midlife crises we had to pretend to sympathise [sicwith and the Old Spice we had to inhale, that was probably my favourite [sic“phase” of life so far. Classy."


Did you know that the age of consent in the UK is the same as it is across the Hudson in New Jersey.

"Sixteen! I could finally stop lying about my age and worrying about turning everyone I hook up with into a statutory rapist! Hooray! Although, once you’ve started lying about your age, it’s hard to stop while keeping your story straight [...]"


When Porter was 17, she slept in the basement of a New York City deli. Why? She wrote, "I lost my phone and had $50 to last three weeks."


Porter wrote: "I’d travelled [sica bit. I had a short-lived television career under my belt [...]" Porter wasn't specific, but we're assuming that she was referring to her stint as the 18-year-old host of UK's The Joy of Teen Sex (Channel 4 [UK])

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