Steely Dan's "Hey Nineteen": A Man Declines a Teen's Seduction

 

Steely Dan's "Hey Nineteen" has been popping into my head for years, but not until recently did I have an inclination that the song involved nympholepsy. And my inclination was correct! Per Will Layman's PopMatters post "JAZZ TODAY: The Strange, Mixed Fate of Steely Dan" (10 April 2006): "Gaucho's "Hey Nineteen" was about a middle-aged man's disappointment with a young [19-year-old] lover."

"Hey Nineteen" is track No. 2 on Gaucho (1980), which was Steely Dan's seventh American rock studio album. 

Stewart Mason (incorrectly) posted on AllMusic that "Hey Nineteen" is about man trying to unsuccessfully seduce a "nubile young lass of the titular age".

Hey Nineteen" was the song that finally came right out and told the baby boomers that not only were they not kids anymore, but that the kids of 1980 thought they were a bunch of boring old farts. The song's narrator is with a nubile young lass of the titular age, putting on the same moves that had worked on the sorority girls "way back when in '67" and getting nowhere at all.

However, the song's lyrics make no reference to "the kids of 1980" whom considered the band members a "bunch of boring old farts". The narrator simply shares that in '67, he was a member of Gamma Chi who was privy to "Sweet things from Boston\So young and willing".

Way back when in '67

I was the dandy of Gamma Chi

Sweet things from Boston

So young and willing

And it's posted on SongFacts that the narrator is unsuccessfully attempting to seducing the nymphet. "In this song, an older man is seducing a 19-year-old girl." But that's fiction. 

Boto from 52404 commented: 

I thought if it as more of a 19 year old coming on to him and although he was aware of the age difference, after trying to convince himself it wasn’t a great idea he thought what the hell.

Boto from 52404 is correct, because the chorus is clearly shows that the narrator is rejecting the advances of the teen groupie whom desires to dance and converse with the man.

Hey, nineteen
No, we can't dance together (We can't dance together)
No, we can't talk at all
Please take me along when you slide on down

And after the man discovers that the teen isn't familiar with Aretha Franklin, he double downs on the fact that he is declining her offer to dance and talk. And he adds: "Hey, nineteen\No, we got nothin' common":

Hey, nineteen

That's 'Retha Franklin

She don't remember the Queen of Soul

It's hard times befallen

The sole survivors

She thinks I'm crazy

But I'm just growin' old

Hey, nineteen

No, we got nothin' common

No, we can't dance together

No, we can't talk at all

Please take me along when you slide on down 

Of course, only the nympholepsy naive would opine that a teen groupie wouldn't make an attempt at seducing a much older man. For example, we previously wrote about 16-year-old Nancy Spungen whom, per Lena Dunham's The C-Word podcast (July 8, 2021):

[...] bragged that she had sex with the entire rock group Bad Company but that she only gave hand jobs (simultaneously) to two members of the rock band Aerosmith. In addition, Spungen reportedly had sex with Keith Richards, members of The Who, J. Geils and The Allman Brothers.

Famous Teen Groupie Lori Maddox

And Nikki McWatters shared in the Huffington Post post “Predatory Teenage Girls”:

“Lori Maddox, a famous teenage groupie from LA, is alleged to have lost her virginity to David Bowie at the age of 13. [And] [s]he was [24-year-old] Jimmy Page's steady girlfriend while still underage [i.e., 14-years-old]."

Lastly, per Wikipedia, "Hey Nineteen" was a hit.

"Hey Nineteen" peaked at number 10 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in early 1981, number 11 on the Adult Contemporary chart, and number 68 on the R&B Singles chart. With a chart run of 19 weeks, "Hey Nineteen" is tied with "Peg" and "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" for being their longest-running chart hit.

"Hey Nineteen" | Lyrics 

Way back when in '67\I was the dandy of Gamma Chi\Sweet things from Boston\So young and willing\Moved down to Scarsdale\Where the hell am I?

Hey, nineteen\No, we can't dance together (We can't dance together)\No, we can't talk at all\Please take me along when you slide on down

Hey, nineteen\That's 'Retha Franklin\She don't remember the Queen of Soul\It's hard times befallen\The sole survivors\She thinks I'm crazy\But I'm just growin' old

Hey, nineteen\No, we got nothin' common\No, we can't dance together\No, we can't talk at all\Please take me along when you slide on down

The Cuervo Gold\The fine Colombian\Make tonight a wonderful thing\(Say it again)\The Cuervo Gold\The fine Colombian\Make tonight a wonderful thing\The Cuervo Gold\The fine Colombian\Make tonight a wonderful thing

No, we can't dance together\No, we can't talk at all