Thursday, February 14, 2013

BLAME IT ON RIO (1984): Insatiable (Pre)Teen Love for Older Man

In Blame It On Rio (1984), 17-year-old Jennifer (Michelle Johnson), a Brooke Shields look alike, used her young and insatiable libido to seduce Matthew (Michael Caine) - her father's married 49-year-old best friend. 

The seduction began at the beach:
“Let’s go in.” Jennifer said to Matthew as she quickly unbuttoned his shirt and just as quickly removed her top to reveal her voluptuous young breasts.
“It’s too cold.” Matthew said.
“No, it’s not. It’s not too cold, and you’re not too old.” Jennifer said intuitively in an attempt to make Matthew feel more secure about their age difference. 
“Come on in Uncle Matthew…Poor Uncle Matthew. I don’t know why some people can’t get older without getting old.”
Matthew only needed to be invited once by a topless teen to join her for skinny dipping. 

After they splashed into the Atlantic, Jennifer looked deeply into Michael’s eyes and kissed him passionately. Then she aggressively messaged his neck and ran her fingers through his receding hairline as the rhythmical beats of Brazilian drums filled the air.
“Make love to me.” Jennifer pleaded.
“I’m twenty years older than you.” Michael said.
“Twenty-eight.” Jennifer corrected.
“Twenty-five.” Michael stuttered.
Subsequently, Jennifer removed her retainer, implying that she was about to perform oral sex on Matthew. Matthew removed his extra-large 80’s style red plastic framed glasses and fulfilled Jennifer’s request without the need of Viagra. 

After the camera faded, Matthew awoke on the beach with his face inches away from Jennifer’s nude buttocks. That is correct. Matthew had sex with his best-friend's teenage daughter, and to add insult to injury, he used her lower back as a human pillow. Matthew shook Jennifer to wake her up and misleadingly informed her that she had a very bad dream. To which Jennifer replied seductively, “I’m ready for another dream if you are.” 

At breakfast the following morning, Jennifer traced I Heart U into three heaping teaspoons of sugar that she spooned onto the table, which caused Matthew to waste perfectly good sugar and violently sweep the romantic words off the table before Jennifer’s father saw them.

Jennifer did not stop there. At dinner that evening, she repeatedly attempted to rub Matthew’s penis under the table and play footsie with him while her father munched on fresh artichokes from the farmer’s market and sipped on Château Brion. After Jennifer’s dad left their rented house, Michael put up a brief fight to ward off Jennifer’s advances until he found himself, again, staring at her young fountains.
“You should wear your hair like this. Jennifer said to Matthew as they lay in bed with disheveled hair after having sex for the second time.
“I like it like this. It makes you look older.” Jennifer continued. 
Thereby, informing Matthew that she would be even more attracted to him, if he looked even older than 43. And Jennifer informed Matthew that her love for him began when she was a 10-year-old nymphet.

Before they met for lunch to discuss their affair, Jennifer made Michael a gift, “no one else in the world could give him,” which was a Polaroid of her smiling topless with only a yellow rose covering her vagina. And you thought that teenage girls started sending nude pictures to their love interests after the invention of the smartphone phone. 

Once they arrived at lunch, Jennifer tried to convince Matthew that their age difference was trivial by reminding him that Charlie Chapman and Picasso married much younger women. However, Michael insisted on ending their affair before his best friend found out that he was sleeping with his young daughter. Jennifer did not take the news particularly well, and overdosed on birth control pills in an attempt to commit suicide. 

Blame It On Rio (1984) is based on the French film Un Moment d'Égarement (1977).


  1. I've watched this movie so many times...

    1. I'm going to do a more in-depth analysis and upload a clip asap...