Wednesday, July 3, 2024

Viral TikTok Song: Eliza McLamb's "[Teen] Porn Star Tits"

We learned from Lena Geller’s IndyWeek piece “Talking with Eliza McLamb About Farming, TikTok Fame, and Playing a Hometown Show” (12/14/2022) that Eliza McLamb, a singer-songwriter, podcaster and Substacker, is considered a “Generation Z mouthpiece”, which is due to McLamb's song “Porn Star Tits'' that went viral on TikTok in 2020 when McLamb was 19. Consequently, McLamb’s music career was launched, which she's “very grateful for”.

Here’s McLamb’s “[Teen] Porn Star Tits” - in summary with the lyrics:

A 10-year-old girl was told by a man on the internet that she had porn star tits. (Note: Per the Colorado Department of Education, a 10-year-old would be in the 4th or 5th grade. And one can infer from this verse that the man was conversing with the preteen via a webcam.) The girl didn't understand what porn star tits were, but she did know that the man was “getting off” (i.e., self-gratificating). Consequently, the nymphet donned a bikini top, applied some makeup, and in an attempt to get more attention, went to a Gamestop, which is mostly patronized by boys. 

When I was ten years old, a man on the internet

Told me I had porn star tits

I didn't know what that meant

But I knew he was getting off on it

So I wore a bikini top under my v-neck

Went to the mall to try on some makeup

Walked into GameStop looking for attention

But all I got was condescension

By the 7th grade (i.e., approximately 12-years-old), the girl realized that her teen porn star tits were profoundly powerful. Consequently, in an effort to make the schoolboys be nice to her, she, à la Karen of Mean Girls and Swiffer Girl, sexted her porn star tits; however, the boys traded her nudes like Pokemon cards. 

In seventh grade, I figured out

That my porn star tits are pretty powerful

They make boys be nice to me for a week

Then they trade that shit like Pokemon cards

Swapping my body with somebody else's

That's metrically hotter than mine

How can I, a seven, compete with all these nines?

(Dude, she thinks she's a seven)

Well, I guess I could steal their boyfriends

Or I guess I could go to church

I either play the whore or Madonna and I'm not sure which one's worse

Bought a pack of Marlboro Reds

'Cause I saw on Tumblr that's a pretty girl cigarette

Smoked one thinking it made me look cool

Then I threw it all up in the girls' bathroom at school

On the weekends, the nymphet went to parties where she used her porn star tits as currency to have “mediocre [teen] sex” in a stranger’s room; however, afterward she felt empty, but she admitted that she kinda liked being able to use her sexuality as currency in exchange for attention slash sex.

And on the weekends, I show up to parties that I'm not invited to

Out of spite, I have a good attitude

Dance all night 'til I end up in someone's room

I say, "I like the way you talk to me"

He says, "I like the way you look at me

Hey, by the way, if we sleep together

Tomorrow I'll act like I don't remember"

And that's when it dawned on me

That my porn star tits are pretty good currency

For mediocre sex and a feeling of total fucking emptiness

I mean, didn't I ask for it a little bit

In some strange way, I kinda like it

That voice in my head telling me, "Good girl, it's working, isn't it"

Isn't it? Fuck

And the teen related that she could deal with feeling “disembodied” - as long as she had a “bangin'” body that could get her recognition on Instagram (i.e., likes and a DM). 

If I have to feel so disembodied, the body better be bangin'

It's gotta be the type to get me a few likes

On Instagram and a DM that says "slut"

McLamb Explained "Porn Star Tits"

McLamb explained “Porn Star Tits” in a TikTok where she said that a lot of young girls are hypersexual, because it’s rewarding and “truly validating”. And she strongly disagreed with feminists whom say that young girls aren’t sexual. McLamb countered that teens “do act sexually”, because they yearn to be validated as “desirable “object[s]” :

“A lot of girls become hypersexual at a young age - not because of daddy issues or because of some deeper narcissistic wound of ego but because that behavior is rewarded by your culture. And it is truly validating.”

“I  became disillusioned with a lot of feminist discussions around this issue because it didn’t make sense to me. They say, “Young girls don’t like to be objectified. Young girls aren’t sexual. You’re sexualizing them.”

“But that didn’t make sense to me. Young girls do act sexually. Young girls do seek validation based on their status as a desirable ‘object’” 

Lastly, Sloan Pecchia posted on Uproxx: “Eliza McLamb Is Leaving TikTok Behind For Something Deeper On ‘Going Through It’ (January 24, 2024). In the piece, McLamb confessed that even though she has distanced herself from “Porn Star Tits”, which by 2023 had been streamed approximately four million times, she strategically included it on Memos, her first EP. #teensexsells Unsurprisingly, it worked. 

McLamb’s first EP, Memos, featured her most commercially successful song to date, “Porn Star Tits.” This song in particular had gone viral on TikTok when she first wrote it in 2020, but when deciding what songs to include on the track listing, it was not at the top of the list. However, it seemed she felt obligated to include it, as it initially helped drive her success. “I wanted to Trojan horse the rest of the work through that song, being like, ‘Okay people listened to this song. Maybe they’ll listen to the rest of it,’” McLamb explains. That tactic seems to have worked as the success of Memos [...]

Like Spotify, McLamb may have “distanced” herself from “Porn Star Tits”, but some teen TikTokers are still close to the suggestive song.  

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