Thursday, June 25, 2020

ANGUS, THONGS AND FULL-FRONTAL SNOGGING: Teen Threesome with DiCaprio & Brad Pitt

Here's Amazon's description of Louise Rennison's Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging: Confessions of Georgia Nicolson:

Her dad's got the mentality of a Teletubby (only not so developed). Her cat, Angus, is trying to eat the poodle next door. And her best friend thinks she looks like an alien - just because she accidentally shaved off her eyebrows. Ergghhhlack. Still, add a little boy-stalking, teacher-baiting, and full-frontal snogging with a Sex [g]od, and Georgia's year just might turn out to be the most fabbitty fab fab ever!

The YA novel, which is filled with teleiophilia, starts off by Georgia exclaiming: "I am fourteen years old [...] I am bursting with womanhood, I wear a bra!" 

While they were "lolling about" on Georgia's "[...] bed, listening to the Top Forty [...]", Ellen, Georgia's schoolmate, shared, "I went to a Christmas party at my cousin's last year and this boy from Liverpool was there. I think he was a sailor. Anyway, he was nineteen or something, and he brought some mistletoe and kissed me."

Georgia desperately wanted to know what Ellen did with her tongue. 

She [Ellen] said, "I can't really remember. It was a bit tickly and it didn't last long, but I liked it, I think. He was quite nice, but he had a girlfriend and I suppose he thought I was just a little thirteen-year-old who hadn't been around much."

While in Jennings', a shop, "[...] a Sex [g]od came out of the back room. I swear he was so gorgeous it made you blink and open your mouth like a goldfish [...] I wonder how old he is? I must become more mature quickly. I'll start tomorrow." 

Georgia opined that Herr Kamyer, her German and physics teacher and the only male teacher, was "the only bright spot" in her all-girls' school. And when Kamyer was out with a cold, Georgia's reaction was, "Double damn. When am I going to have any fun? Sacré blue."

Jackie, another schoolmate, changed in a "loo" in a park out of her school uniform into a satin crop top and tight trousers before she shared with Georgia, "I've got a date with the DJ at Loveculture - he's so cool. I think he's about thirty but I like mature men." 

13-year-old Georgia considered making a Faustian bargain: "[...] like swap my dad's soul in exchange for bigger breasts for the party on Friday."

Georgia had a sleepover with Jas - another schoolmate. The nymphets looked through Georgia's bedroom window to see if they could see into Mr. Next Door's bedroom. Georgia and Jas wanted to see what the man next door wore to bed. 

Georgia walked up to Mark who was smoking near a phone box. Georgia described what happened next: [...] he threw his cigarette down [...] he just kissed me right on the open mouth [...] Also, he put his tongue in my mouth, which was a bit of a surprise [...] And he put his hand on my breast! [...]" However, ironically after that, Mark informed Georgia, "[...] I think you're too young for me. I'm going back to Ella because she lets me do things to her. Sorry, see you later."

Georgia shared one her dreams:

[...] in the privacy of the changing room I began to get undressed [...] When I got down to my (well-filled D-cup) bra and knickers I was startled to find someone had come into the room. It was Leonardo DiCaprio [...] Then he started covering my quivering [...] body with kisses. Just then someone else came in [...] Leo said, "It's OK, it's only Brad," and Brad Pitt came and joined us." 

Why is a thong mentioned in the YA novel's title - you may ask? Well, in addition to Mr. [Man] Next Door, Georgia and Jas spied on Lindsay. This is what they saw: "Lindsay emerged from the bathroom with her hair all scraped back from her face and wearing a bra and thong [...] Lindsay didn't have any hair on her womanly parts! [...] She got some sort of pink rubber things and put them in her bra underneath her "breasts." The rubber things pushed up her "breasts" and made it look like she had a cleavage."

At a pajama party sleepover, Georgia and her schoolmates: "[...] decided to dare each other. It started off with taking your knickers (i.e., panties) off and putting them on your head and so on, and then I dared Sarah to go and stand on the garden wall and drop her pajama trousers and knickers (i.e., panties). She did." In addition, Georgia ran, in the nude, down the block and back. 

It was revealed later in the YA novel that the Sex [g]od's name was Robbie. Georgia further described him as: "[...] all muscly and dark and ooohhhhh." [Emphasis mine] Georgia cut school and returned home after her Mum and little sister left to await the Sex [g]od's  arrival. But after Robbie entered Georgia's home, to her dismay, he said, "[...] I am attracted to you [...] but I can't go out with you [...] Because you're too young [i.e., 14-years-old]. I'm nearly eighteen - it wouldn't be right, it would be like cradle-snatching."

After Robbie left, Georgia thought: "To young for him. Oh merde merde merd, double merde. However, two days later the persistent nymphet slash teleiophile uttered: "Eureka!!! I've got it!!! [...] There is a way I can convince Robbie that I am more mature than my fourteen years....I have to dye a blond streak in my hair." 

Well, based on one of Rennison's subsequent volumes, On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God, Georgia got her man.

Lastly, per Wikipedia, Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging won the Nestlé Smarties Book Prize Bronze Award, was shortlisted for the Branford Boase Award and was voted #127 in the BBC's Big Read poll to find the UK's favourite book. It was also named a Printz Honor book in 2001.


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